My blood pressure is “optimal.” So too my cholesterol. My heart goes at an average of 56 beats per minute. My lungs are working at normal capacity. The brown patch between my shoulder blades isn’t skin cancer. The skin between my toes is splitting because of the hydrogen peroxide I use for soaking my feet, not because of Athlete’s Foot. I have no evident signs of Alzheimer’s Disease, nor of brain damage caused by inhaling the dust from lead paint. My left hip doesn’t need replacing. Ditto my left knee. My external haemorrhoid has been dormant for ten years, and may have gone away. The pain in my neck isn’t curvature of the spine, but probably the effect of typing 5,000 words a day at the kitchen table. I am continually tired because I work about twenty hours a day.
I’m just back from taking another half hour of my doctor’s life, and am not for the moment afflicted by any of my usual morbid fancies. He suggests I should switch off all my electronic gadgets for a month, and tell my publishers and clients to pester someone else for the duration. Also, he urges me to cut down on the coffee. To rub it in, he reminded me of the suspected testicular cancer I took him at the end of 2013, and the renal failure I diagnosed off the Internet in 2012.
Perhaps I do need a break. Then again, I shall eventually die of something, and I’m not getting any younger….
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